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{The Ordinary Moments} #39 ‘Finding comfort, babywearing and being judged’
Memories
One of my most vivid memories from my childhood is my Grandma stroking my forehead while I was ill. I would have been about 7 or 8 years old, and I was on holiday in a chalet at an Haven holiday resort. We spent most of the first few days in the chalet as I was really ill and couldn’t get out of bed, no matter how much the adventure playground just outside my window willed me to.
I was raised by my Grandparents. My Mum had multiple sclerosis and was taken into full-time care soon after she gave birth to me. My Dad, realising he couldn’t care for me, asked my Grandma (his Mum) to look after me for a week. My standing joke is “It was a long week”, she brought me up as her own.
My Grandma was a truly amazing woman, she raised me even though she faced financial difficulties and her husbands disapproval. My Grandad loved me but he didn’t want take on another child at the age of 49, my Grandma already had 4 adult children.
Hugs, and “I love you’s”
When I became a parent, I had a vision of what kind of parent I wanted to be, and most of that vision stemmed from the things I enjoyed from my childhood and the things I would change. One of the reasons the memory of my Grandma stroking my forehead is so strong is because I don’t really remember her holding me, hugging me or telling me she loved me. I am sure she did hold and hug me when I was small, and I am absolutely positive that she loved me. She was a Christadelphian (A religion sharing similar believes to Christian’s) and she grew up in an era that you didn’t really tell people you loved them, they just knew; and I did know.
Maybe my memory is so vivid because I was feeling unwell and I needed that connection, I don’t know. What I do know is I tell my children that I love them every single day. I hug them when they are sad (or happy, or excited, who needs an excuse for a hug!) and I always give them a kiss and a cuddle goodnight.
Babywearing
For the last few weeks I have been carrying Ava in our woven wrap on the school run. I bought the wrap before Ava arrived and intended to use it on weekend walks, but for the last few weeks we have used it everyday. I love our pushchair, but Ava doesnt. Sometimes she is okay, but usually she cries, when she does cry she goes from a quick grumble to “someones removing my limbs” type crying in less than 30 seconds. My other children settled well with movement in a pushchair but Ava will only settle if she is held, which is hard on the school run with 4 other children. She rarely ever cries in the wrap, she loves being close to me and is settled and content, and I like her being close, so the wrap wins.
I didnt carry my other children and where I live not many people babywear, so I get a fair few questions, comments and looks. The questions I happily answer, the comments; I smile at, and if people want to look they are welcome, but I have to be honest some of it feels quite negative and it is getting me down. It’s not all negative, Ive met some lovely people, had some beautiful comments and some people are just genuinely inquisitive.
Carrying is easier for me as I have free hands for my toddler, I can nip into classrooms easily if I need to, and its much easier to fold away and store a wrap instead of a pushchair. At the end of the day, I am just another parent doing the best thing for my baby. I will never, ever forget how that close contact made me feel, and if being close to me makes Ava happy, then I am happy too.
I am linking up with Katie at MummyDaddyMe for #TheOrdinaryMoments
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